Sixty days. November 2nd through January 1st. With 365 days in a year the next 60 somehow take on a special importance. Shopping becomes a ritual and a way of showing love. Underwear and socks become more important by being named, for the next 60 days, a gift as opposed to clothing staples. The Holy Days come, one after the other, for 2 months laden with joy, sharing and stress. If you are single the stress is often about being single. Single still. Single again. We want to invite you to Cruise through the Holidays, literally. Learn more >>

Answer: Holidays are special. People who don't go to church go. People who don't normally have family meals eat together. People who don't visit family suddenly do. There are memories and traditions associated with the holidays for every family. Even people who had unsatisfying holidays in their childhood homes focus on somehow making things right at last. There are smells and actions and places and things associated with the holidays that can make a 40 year old man feel like a child again. Interestingly, the rigidity your husband is displaying is very childlike. He may have very good reasons for feeling more 'at home' in his childhood home during the holidays. What is important is that you are not being allowed to participate in the choice by not being allowed to have the discussion. So, know that you have choices. The least appealing of which is to stay home alone and cook or split your two children between you. The discussion needs to happen and only you can get there from where you are. Our suggestion is that you write down what you need to say. Keep it simple. Let your husband know you need to be heard and that you are prepared to hear him as well and to work as a team to come to an agreement that works for you both. Let him know how you will benefit from changing things and listen to how he will benefit from leaving them as they are. Work together toward a solution. The words 'I want to understand your feelings' can go a long way here. It is possible that there are ways to do everything. You might have a lovely dinner party between the 2 holidays at your home, inviting everyone and doing some special things with food and celebration that aren't on the menu in your childhood homes. Don't worry, the time will come soon enough when neither of your parents will be able to host the dinners any longer and your own family traditions will change. When someone is deeply rooted to a certain position, it is often out of fear that they are unable to move. Perhaps your husband worries about his parents getting older. He may feel that he himself is creeping toward old age and not want to let go of the last vestiges of youth. He may simply not know what the holidays would be like if they weren't like they've always been. He may not feel as much confidence as you do that the two of you together can create holiday traditions of your own that will be joyful and happy. He may need some time to adjust to the idea. You've been pondering it all the while. It's new for him. If you approach the discussion from a place of discovery you may find he will be more flexible.

Love Connection Presidio Sentinel Newspaper Article by Annie Ory

One sure way to have a terrible time during the holidays is to have an expectation of what they 'should' be like or how you 'should' feel... continued >

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