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Mars & Venus Institute® certified Coaches
Trained by CTI - Coaches Training Institute

Consumer Report: Coaching & Seminars

Part 2of 3 in a series on hiring and managing professionals to help you find and care for your relationship.

So you're considering hiring a coach? How do you research them? How do you choose? How do you know what is fair to pay? How, if you choose poorly, do you renegotiate your alliance, end your association, or take punitive action if necessary? Coaches are not licensed and overseen by a specific government agency. They are, however, bound by laws that govern all businesses. Even an ethical and professional coach may not be a fit for you and your needs. It's your money and your time. Choose well. Many coaches will offer you, if they are interested in you as a client, a free sample session. This is an excellent way to get to know their process and how it might work in your life.

What should YOU look for when selecting a coach?
The most important thing to look for in selecting a coach is someone with whom you feel you can easily relate to and create the most powerful partnership with. Here are some questions you may want to ask prospective coaches:

• What is your coaching experience? (number of individuals coaches, years of experience, types of situations)
• What is your coach specific training?
• What is your coaching specialty or client areas you most often work in, (Couples/Relationships, Professional/Corporate, Sports/Athletics, whole life?)
• What specialized skills or experience do you bring to your coaching?
• What is your philosophy about coaching?
• What is your specific process for coaching? (how sessions are conducted, frequency, etc.)
• What are some coaching success stories? (specific examples of individuals who have done well and examples of how you have added value)
• What other services do you offer? Seminars, Books, Retreats?

The client chooses the focus of the work, while the coach notices and contributes observations and powerful questions. A skillful coach creates clarity and moves the client into action. Coaching accelerates the client's progress by providing greater focus and awareness of choice. Coaching concentrates on where clients are now and what they are willing to do to get where they want to be in the future.

What are the benefits of coaching?
Individuals who engage in a coaching relationship can expect to experience fresh perspectives on personal challenges and opportunities, enhanced thinking and decision making skills, enhanced interpersonal effectiveness, and increased confidence in carrying out their chosen work and life roles. Consistent with a commitment to enhancing their personal effectiveness, they can also expect to see appreciable results in the areas of productivity, personal satisfaction with life and work, and the achievement of personally relevant goals.

Coaching is not: Therapy.Consulting.Mentoring.Training.Athletic Development, although you may bring all of those issues into relationship with your coach.

The cost of using a coach ranges from $50 to $500 per hour with an average price of around $200, depending on experience, popularity and professional standing and certifications. The range of service can be as wide as the range of price. Make sure you understand the price for service and know what will be expected of you, where, when and how often you'll meet and what additional costs might be incurred.

Once you've chosen your coach, design your alliance with them. I'm not talking about the contract. The contract only gives you the basic information on price and practice. Designing your alliance is a bare bones process and may need to be repeated each time you meet with them. If a session with your coach doesn't work well for you, be sure you tell them why and what might have worked better. The same holds true if they nail it. Say so and say why. If you are consistently unhappy with the results you are getting, ask for a meeting and let them know you are not happy and want to redesign your alliance and refocus with them on your agenda. Make sure you ask specifically for what you want and that you keep asking until you get it, or until the coach say's they are unable or unwilling to work with you around it.

It is unusual to need to take punitive action against a coach. Most Coaches work on the simple contract, pay as you go and if you are unhappy you may stop the work at any time. The only time you might sue a coach would be if they collected fees and did not keep appointments. If you believe that your coach is doing something unethical report them to any professional organizations they profess membership in. The International Coaching Federation certifies coaches and you can check for a list of professional ethics on their home page. Your responsibility as a client is to be Co-Active in assessing the work you are doing with your coach and to determine if it is taking you in the direction you want to go. by Stephanie West & Annie Ory

Next month: Marital therapy - How to choose a therapist to save your troubled marriage.

Judgment vs. Preference By Annie Ory

Read this out loud, “I am right and you are wrong.” Now try this, “I don’t like that and I want this instead.” Finally say, “I like this and sometimes I want it even though I know you prefer that.”
When we can ask for what we want without judgment it opens the possibilities of relationships with vastly different souls than ourselves. This can add color and vibrancy to our lives.more >>

Ask Our Coaches: Annie and Stephanie
Question: My husband's best male friend recently died. I feel terribly about what he is going through and I want to be supportive but I don't know what to do? I'm afraid that if I ask it will only bring it back to the surface and make him feel bad.

Answer: It is wonderful that you are able to feel empathy for your husband. Grief is a painful and difficult thing, no matter the circumstances. The most important thing you can do is to give your husband permission to grieve in his own way. That means that he is allowed to have his feelings no matter how long it takes or how strong they seem or how often they appear. What most bereaved people need is to be able to trust that you will be there for them no matter what. They may need to be asked or not, they may wish to talk or not, so ask him what he needs. He may not know and that will mean giving what you can and trusting that it is sufficient. What helps most for many people is to simply be heard and acknowledged. When you don't know what to say, simply say, 'I am sorry for your loss. I am sorry you are hurting. I am here for you if you need me.' I know many people avoid the bereaved or ask them to cease being bereaved because they are uncomfortable with their pain and don't know what to say. If you feel uncomfortable, find someone to discuss it with and let him know you just don't know what to say. When in doubt offer what you do best, a hug or a meal or walk on the beach. Those familiar expressions of love will help to anchor your husband in your support and allow him to grieve in his own time.