Recently, someone asked me about what I do. He said he didn't understand what coaching was outside of sports. I told him that he could keep the sports perspective and to think about being an athlete. "What,' I asked, 'is the end goal of an athlete?' He answered that he believed it was to 'win the game' and 'be the best he could be' at his chosen sport. I then asked him what the coaches job was. He answered that he believed it was to help the athlete win. We talked about different coaching styles and what in the athletes life and work might come under the coaches influence. He told me that he thought almost anything could, given that almost anything could effect his 'game.'

To this I responded that the same is true for relationships. Whether you are looking for love or managing a marriage, your daily life effects how you 'win' in love. Whether you stay focused on the goal of the game. My job as a coach is to help people 'win' whatever their end goal is. Athletes are inherently driven to success. Wanting success is not all that is required to find it. Sometimes when we are in the moment, making the play, it helps to have someone there to remind us what we're supposed to do. In the movie Forrest Gump, Tom Hanks played a man with a below average IQ and an above average heart. He got into college because he was very fast and the football coach wanted him to run the ball. The problem was, the game was silly to him, he was not naturally a competitive sort and didn't understand that you had to run the ball in a certain direction. The coach, the rest of the team, the student body/audience and the band all conspired with huge signs and arrows to remind Forrest which way to run. How wonderful, in the crucial moment, ball in hand, to be reminded, 'This way Forrest!' That is what I do.

Question: I am married to a man who owns his own business. I don't really know how much money we have or what happens to it. I love him and want my marriage but I'm angry and scared. We have 2 children. My problem is that he wont give me any money and when I need or want something he say's we can't afford it and wont talk about when we can or how to save for it. We have terrible credit. We have no health insurance and he has no life insurance policy. Also, he has said that he doesn't want me to work. I have recently started a training course against his wishes so that I can earn some money of my own. I need to purchase some equipment and supplies and I dread having to ask him for it. How can get him to understand that I have needs too?

Answer: The short answer is you can explain to him that you have needs too. The longer answer is his understanding of your position depends on how he defines 'needs', what he believes his rights and responsibilities are in the marriage, what he believes about money he earns and so on. There are  a lot of questions there and only one way to get them answered. It will require having a conversation about belief systems. Not an argument, a conversation. We often become angry with our partner for not understanding our needs when it is actually our beliefs that they don't understand, nor we theirs.

First, you need to determine what your beliefs are. For example, do you believe you are entitled to help determine where your family's money goes? Do you believe that you have a right to make some decisions on your own? If you don't think you are entitled to those things you will have a hard time asking for them. Perhaps that is why you have been willing for some number of years to allow someone to manage your financial future when it has been apparent for awhile that they were doing a bad job. Part of growing up is the willingness to do difficult things. more >

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Spa Day for Couples! at Laguna Canyon Spa
For a Romantic and Enlightening Day - Sign up you and your partner for spa treatments; facial, massage, a private yoga class, something relaxing before or after the presentation.

Presentation from 12:00pm to 5:00pm will include: Translasting Mars & Venus - A Tool Box For Making Love Last
This one day intensive course will help you identify how to get the support you need from your relationship, develop a deeper understanding of each other and give you effective tools to increase intimacy and trust. Whether you are currently experiencing your relationship positively or are frustrated, this course will bring balance and peace to your life.

Understanding the Differences - Tools for deeper and more satisfying relationships.

• Understanding the differences between Mars and Venus
• Learn how we score points differently.
• How the past affects relationships
• Understanding anger and finding balance

Improving Communication -Valuable insight to create lasting intimacy.

• Learning to appropriately interpret the language of the person you love.
• How to ask for what you need in a relationship and get it.
• Misunderstandings - how to forgive and move forward
• Practical tools for creating peace and harmony

This class is based on John Gray’s Men are from Mars/Women are from Venus philosophy and on Annie and Stephanie's work and extensive research in the field.

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Mars & Venus Institute® certified Coaches