Perfect date, then he bails

Dear Sam,

I’ve a dilemma:  I went on date two weeks ago with an old school friend and it was perfect.  Since then I’ve had the odd text-one which said he’s going through emotional stuff (he is divorced with two children).  I felt astrally connected to him and thought we felt comfortable with each other.  I really don’t know what to do now.

Star Crossed


Dear Star Crossed,

Thanks for reaching out.  The text you received makes his intentions very clear.  (His behavior leaves much to be desired, as sending a text is not a very gracious way of communicating sensitive information).  This man is not ready for a relationship and it’s a good thing that he has said so.  Be careful of idealizing him based on preconceived notions of being “astrally connected.”  These kinds of fantasies can prevent us from seeing the man for who he truly is, instead of how we wish he would be.   Perhaps since you two knew each other from school, you could be friends.  But don’t wait around for him to work out his emotional stuff.   Get back out there and meet some nice men who are actually emotionally available for a serious relationship.

When a man wants to be with you, it will be clear.  You will not have to wonder what to do, he will make his feelings clearly known to you.  He won’t be hot and cold.  He won’t disappear, or play games.  I suggest making a list of minimum relationship requirements that your best right partner must have in order to be in a serious relationship with you.  Being emotionally available should be high on the list.  If a potential mate does not meet your minimum requirements, then you have to move on.

You deserve to be with a man who is emotionally ready to be in a relationship with you.  And you will want to make sure you are emotionally ready for a relationship also.  I have a free relationship readiness quiz on my website if you’d like to give it a whirl:  The results will be emailed to you.

It’s a good idea to practice the art of detachment when dating.  Be present, alert, attentive, aware, and by all means enjoy yourself, but detach from expectations.  Sometimes men meet someone else, or their circumstances change.  But don’t take rejection personally.  There is a wonderful man out there for you!

Best regards,




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